VICTORIA, WASHU, ST. LOUIS. MO.
You’re a full time student in a rigorous program and a co-chair for AISA (American Indian Student Association) at WashU. How do you manage it all?
Are you familiar with the Gordian knot? I learned about it in undergrad and it always stuck with me. There’s a fable about this knot in antiquity that every time they tried to loosen on one side became tighter on the other end. It symbolizes an impossible problem; something you can never get to the center of.
From a shallow perspective it’s easy to look at AISA and say, “look at these indigenous students doing it all,” but it’s not the truth. In reality, it represents the pattern of lower middle class students of color who arrive at big institutions based on their merit but find themselves with all these expectations. My scholarship is dependent on my involvement and willingness to be a representative. We have scholarships, but they’re often not enough to cover everything. I want to be grateful, but it’s hard when all of the support has strings attached.
We often feel like we’re not doing enough, but that we also have to be grateful, and that these expectations can be a burden. I often want to be like my classmates, who can go to school full time and afford a nice sofa at the same time! That said, I am grateful. I just wish [my involvement] was my choice. I do want to create community! I do want to help other indigenous students find a place here. I just wish those of us who lead these groups had more financial and emotional support when it gets complicated.
Complicated is the best word to describe it.
The short answer to how I juggle is that I do my best! Before I came here, I worked at the urban indian center of Salt Lake City and the MSLW programs. My manager there was amazing and she counseled me before I came here to WashU. She told me that many indigenous students become overwhelmed and drop out, get divorced, or become alcoholics. She told me to “get my ducks in a row” before grad school as much as possible, and while I can’t say I have my ducks in a row even now, I can say I spent time taking care of myself. Yoga, meal prep! I guarantee that no matter how busy my day is, the last hour of it will be spent on the floor doing yoga or skincare with my candles. I take care of myself. Having something to look forward to keeps me sane!
I know you love k-pop and k-dramas!
Exactly! Self care. Just last week my favorite singer got to go home to Korea. I’m so happy for him! Knowing he got to go home made my week better.
What was it like growing up in small-town Utah?
I grew up in Kamas, which is near Heber and towards Park City. My grandma remembers the construction of both of our two stop lights and we just got a FIIZ so we’ve definitely arrived!
There’s a lot of layers to growing up in small town Utah. My mom and her mother are Navajo, while my dad is Peruvian and my other grandma is white. This grandma, my Kamas grandma, adopted us into her family. She was a kindergarten teacher and an incredible person– so beloved by the community.
My parents met while they were students and BYU. They both participated in Living Legends and met there. They had me and post graduation moved to Houston. Both of my sisters were born there, and we moved back when I was around ten. We lived with Grandma, who advocated for us in the small community. What you have to understand about Kamas is that it’s a small, pioneer-settled farming town. Most people there are under the impression that racism was solved when MLK jr. marched on Washington.
There’s this dynamic in schools where immigrant kids are second class. I moved in, as a brown person, to a school where everyone had grown up together. They didn’t quite know what to do with me. I didn’t look like them, but I also didn’t talk like the immigrant kids. I experienced a lot of racism, a lot of which I’m still processing. One of my teachers had a confederate flag on the wall, and once told me I’d have an “easy time” with a hispanic accent. The town had “Cowboy and Indian days” and when I spoke up once on Facebook my friend’s sister berated me on Facebook. I grew up and grew out. It’s such a beautiful place, but bad for me. My sisters had a better experience than I did.
Do you think you paved the way for them?
I think so. That’s what big sisters are for— to go through everything first.
You went through so much. A lot of people might have stepped away from embracing their identity after facing so much mistreatment. How did you find a way to and lean into your heritage/identity despite everything?
I stepped away for a long time. There’s a theory of cultural development based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (which was taken from indigenous people’s by the way). It’s the idea of survival before self actualization. You have to eat before you can have a social life. For me, the priority was the need to assimilate.
At BYU, it was easier to blend in and lean into my identity as a member of the church. It was easier to say, “I don’t know.” or “I’m not very familiar with my culture.” If I didn’t know, no one could target me for any of it.
I felt I should serve a mission. I wanted to go to England where it’s rainy! I wrote on my application that I didn’t want to learn a new language but I wanted to leave the country. I was called to the Navajo Nation in Farmington, New Mexico. It was ultimately a positive experience, but complicated. The net value overall was positive but I wouldn’t choose to go back. I valued what I learned.
On the mission, I had to confront my cultural background. I learned that the greatest “gift” Colonialism gave all of us is a scarcity mindset. In native communities, this means protecting what little space you still have. There are barriers to entry as a result, which makes sense when you consider how much the stories, the culture, and the rights of these people have been appropriated and taken by people with bad intentions. I would be on guard too.
I was so excited at first, approaching people with an attitude of “I’m one of you!” Often what I would get back would be questions about whether I knew any of the languages or knew how to make fry bread. I didn’t. I understand why it happened, but I felt shut off. Sometimes it felt my white companions had easier access to people. It felt that people were more willing to teach them.
My very last companion at the end of my mission had been taught to pray in Navajo. She said to me one day, “If I had a culture as beautiful as yours, I’d do everything in my power to learn it.” It really hurt.
What happened after your mission?
I hid and I healed. I had an impression to join Living Legends but kept pushing the thought aside. I convinced myself everyone would call me a poser. Luckily, I have an aunt and uncle who guided me to know what this part of me is and how I can use it. I learned to dance from my aunt. I learned native values from my uncle.
They told me there is no right way to be native and no right way to look native.
70% of native people live off reservation, but there’s still a guilt that comes from not growing up there. I want to help people like that. I plan to work at an American Indian Urban Center prior to graduation.
How did you choose to study Psychology?
It wasn’t easy or straightforward. I wanted to be an animator.
At age ten I went to a stem fair and decided I would be an engineer. My parents were so happy! Then, in high school, I realized I hated math and said, “I’m a novelist.” My dad was less happy. I decided to take all the “smart” classes in High School anyway.
I declared pre-animation at BYU but knew with the program acceptance rate I needed a plan B. By the time I was able to apply to illustration, I had so many empty credits that they couldn’t accept me. I needed time to figure it out, so I went on my mission.
During my mission, the mission president talked to me about my plans. He counseled me to pray over a majors list. As someone who has deconstructed their faith, I’m so glad that worked out! I decided on psychology or sociology. I thought back to what I had learned on my mission.
I knew I loved to sit in people’s living rooms and listen. I loved to help them. I realized therapy would allow me the same opportunity. I’m grateful I studied psychology, but also, I hated it! I was convinced I needed a PHD to be a therapist, but luckily some research brought me to the two year Master’s program at WashU.
What are your plans post graduation?
I wanted to be on the West Coast, somewhere like SoCal where tribes have more resources. That or Oregon/Washington since I love the rain more than anything. I ultimately decided I want financial stability after school so I found a great internship where the cost of living is better. I’ll be headed to Salt Lake to help urban native communities.
Footnotes:
As Victoria mentions, Maslow developed his hierarchy by firsthand observation and communal knowledge of the Blackfeet Nation. He never credited them with his findings or referenced them in his research.
Brigham Young University is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. The majority of students are of the same faith.
Many members of the LDS faith serve full-time volunteer missions in their early 20s for around 2 years
Missionaries have assigned partners they work with and teach with referred to as a “companion”
You’re a full time student in a rigorous program and a co-chair for AISA (American Indian Student Association) at WashU. How do you manage it all?
Are you familiar with the Gordian knot? I learned about it in undergrad and it always stuck with me. There’s a fable about this knot in antiquity that every time they tried to loosen on one side became tighter on the other end. It symbolizes an impossible problem; something you can never get to the center of.
From a shallow perspective it’s easy to look at AISA and say, “look at these indigenous students doing it all,” but it’s not the truth. In reality, it represents the pattern of lower middle class students of color who arrive at big institutions based on their merit but find themselves with all these expectations. My scholarship is dependent on my involvement and willingness to be a representative. We have scholarships, but they’re often not enough to cover everything. I want to be grateful, but it’s hard when all of the support has strings attached.
We often feel like we’re not doing enough, but that we also have to be grateful, and that these expectations can be a burden. I often want to be like my classmates, who can go to school full time and afford a nice sofa at the same time! That said, I am grateful. I just wish [my involvement] was my choice. I do want to create community! I do want to help other indigenous students find a place here. I just wish those of us who lead these groups had more financial and emotional support when it gets complicated.
Complicated is the best word to describe it.
The short answer to how I juggle is that I do my best! Before I came here, I worked at the urban indian center of Salt Lake City and the MSLW programs. My manager there was amazing and she counseled me before I came here to WashU. She told me that many indigenous students become overwhelmed and drop out, get divorced, or become alcoholics. She told me to “get my ducks in a row” before grad school as much as possible, and while I can’t say I have my ducks in a row even now, I can say I spent time taking care of myself. Yoga, meal prep! I guarantee that no matter how busy my day is, the last hour of it will be spent on the floor doing yoga or skincare with my candles. I take care of myself. Having something to look forward to keeps me sane!
I know you love k-pop and k-dramas!
Exactly! Self care. Just last week my favorite singer got to go home to Korea. I’m so happy for him! Knowing he got to go home made my week better.
What was it like growing up in small-town Utah?
I grew up in Kamas, which is near Heber and towards Park City. My grandma remembers the construction of both of our two stop lights and we just got a FIIZ so we’ve definitely arrived!
There’s a lot of layers to growing up in small town Utah. My mom and her mother are Navajo, while my dad is Peruvian and my other grandma is white. This grandma, my Kamas grandma, adopted us into her family. She was a kindergarten teacher and an incredible person– so beloved by the community.
My parents met while they were students and BYU. They both participated in Living Legends and met there. They had me and post graduation moved to Houston. Both of my sisters were born there, and we moved back when I was around ten. We lived with Grandma, who advocated for us in the small community. What you have to understand about Kamas is that it’s a small, pioneer-settled farming town. Most people there are under the impression that racism was solved when MLK jr. marched on Washington.
There’s this dynamic in schools where immigrant kids are second class. I moved in, as a brown person, to a school where everyone had grown up together. They didn’t quite know what to do with me. I didn’t look like them, but I also didn’t talk like the immigrant kids. I experienced a lot of racism, a lot of which I’m still processing. One of my teachers had a confederate flag on the wall, and once told me I’d have an “easy time” with a hispanic accent. The town had “Cowboy and Indian days” and when I spoke up once on Facebook my friend’s sister berated me on Facebook. I grew up and grew out. It’s such a beautiful place, but bad for me. My sisters had a better experience than I did.
Do you think you paved the way for them?
I think so. That’s what big sisters are for— to go through everything first.
You went through so much. A lot of people might have stepped away from embracing their identity after facing so much mistreatment. How did you find a way to and lean into your heritage/identity despite everything?
I stepped away for a long time. There’s a theory of cultural development based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (which was taken from indigenous people’s by the way). It’s the idea of survival before self actualization. You have to eat before you can have a social life. For me, the priority was the need to assimilate.
At BYU, it was easier to blend in and lean into my identity as a member of the church. It was easier to say, “I don’t know.” or “I’m not very familiar with my culture.” If I didn’t know, no one could target me for any of it.
I felt I should serve a mission. I wanted to go to England where it’s rainy! I wrote on my application that I didn’t want to learn a new language but I wanted to leave the country. I was called to the Navajo Nation in Farmington, New Mexico. It was ultimately a positive experience, but complicated. The net value overall was positive but I wouldn’t choose to go back. I valued what I learned.
On the mission, I had to confront my cultural background. I learned that the greatest “gift” Colonialism gave all of us is a scarcity mindset. In native communities, this means protecting what little space you still have. There are barriers to entry as a result, which makes sense when you consider how much the stories, the culture, and the rights of these people have been appropriated and taken by people with bad intentions. I would be on guard too.
I was so excited at first, approaching people with an attitude of “I’m one of you!” Often what I would get back would be questions about whether I knew any of the languages or knew how to make fry bread. I didn’t. I understand why it happened, but I felt shut off. Sometimes it felt my white companions had easier access to people. It felt that people were more willing to teach them.
My very last companion at the end of my mission had been taught to pray in Navajo. She said to me one day, “If I had a culture as beautiful as yours, I’d do everything in my power to learn it.” It really hurt.
What happened after your mission?
I hid and I healed. I had an impression to join Living Legends but kept pushing the thought aside. I convinced myself everyone would call me a poser. Luckily, I have an aunt and uncle who guided me to know what this part of me is and how I can use it. I learned to dance from my aunt. I learned native values from my uncle.
They told me there is no right way to be native and no right way to look native.
70% of native people live off reservation, but there’s still a guilt that comes from not growing up there. I want to help people like that. I plan to work at an American Indian Urban Center prior to graduation.
How did you choose to study Psychology?
It wasn’t easy or straightforward. I wanted to be an animator.
At age ten I went to a stem fair and decided I would be an engineer. My parents were so happy! Then, in high school, I realized I hated math and said, “I’m a novelist.” My dad was less happy. I decided to take all the “smart” classes in High School anyway.
I declared pre-animation at BYU but knew with the program acceptance rate I needed a plan B. By the time I was able to apply to illustration, I had so many empty credits that they couldn’t accept me. I needed time to figure it out, so I went on my mission.
During my mission, the mission president talked to me about my plans. He counseled me to pray over a majors list. As someone who has deconstructed their faith, I’m so glad that worked out! I decided on psychology or sociology. I thought back to what I had learned on my mission.
I knew I loved to sit in people’s living rooms and listen. I loved to help them. I realized therapy would allow me the same opportunity. I’m grateful I studied psychology, but also, I hated it! I was convinced I needed a PHD to be a therapist, but luckily some research brought me to the two year Master’s program at WashU.
What are your plans post graduation?
I wanted to be on the West Coast, somewhere like SoCal where tribes have more resources. That or Oregon/Washington since I love the rain more than anything. I ultimately decided I want financial stability after school so I found a great internship where the cost of living is better. I’ll be headed to Salt Lake to help urban native communities.
Footnotes:
As Victoria mentions, Maslow developed his hierarchy by firsthand observation and communal knowledge of the Blackfeet Nation. He never credited them with his findings or referenced them in his research.
Brigham Young University is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. The majority of students are of the same faith.
Many members of the LDS faith serve full-time volunteer missions in their early 20s for around 2 years
Missionaries have assigned partners they work with and teach with referred to as a “companion”
Victoria's Home, Collagraph, 30x26" 2025
